I'm Sorry Oscar. I'm Having an Affair.

It’s a condiment’s blank canvas. It’s your Sunday best’s ruinous adversary. It’s your grumbling stomach’s steadfast chum.

It’s a hot dog.

Thanks to Frankie’s Dawg House, you no longer have to visit Chicago or your local little-league baseball concession stand for your footlong fix.

Frankie’s is pleasing palates with Baton Rouge’s first gourmet hot dog stand, and it does not disappoint with its “wieners so big you need two hands.”

The newly established “dawg house” incorporates a medley of toppings and sausages to transform the simplistic hot dog from an elementary snack to a labyrinthine meal suitable for gourmands and children alike.

With a menu of more than a dozen angus beef, these aren’t the franks your momma cooked when she was too exhausted to dish out a five-course dinner. 

A few personal favorites include “The Fatty,” “The Mad Hatter” and “The Haven.” 

Although “The Fatty” is stacked with Cajun fries, queso cheese, jalapeños and chili, “The Haven” out-dresses it with chili, bacon, ham, pepper jack cheese and a fried egg crown.

I’ll gorge on any of Frankie’s scrumptious creations, but “The Mad Hatter” occupies a special place in my stomach. Topped with homemade purple coleslaw and spicy golden mustard (I add chili), the hatter provides a balanced amount of cold sweetness and savory warmth. 

Frankie’s takes its anti-bland frankfurter regime a bite further with speciality dogs prepared with duck, alligator, deer, italian, bratwurst, boudin and bison sausages.

I’m a fan of knowing my food's origin and keeping it local -- so is Frankie’s Dawg House.

The mouthwatering meat links, plethora of produce and enveloping buns are made and grown in the sportsman’s paradise, rather than a factory featured on animal rights brochures.

As if the hot dog stand’s prices weren’t modest enough, daily Facebook bargains, like free tater tots on Tuesdays, are exclusive to e-friends of Frankie.

Frankie’s invites its dawg and dog lovers to bring their canine companions to frolic in the doggy playground while master overindulges.

The weenie vendor, like all diners, has its pitfalls. At Frankie’s you run the risk of leaving with an embarrassing shirt stain or injuring a loved one with a pelted pants button, but, last time I checked, an overflowing helping of toppings and well-fed belly are only minor nuisances. 

Whether its to watch the big football game on the deck, close a crucial business deal or combat the hangover from Friday night’s foolhardiness, Frankie’s Dawg House exists to satisfy your hunger itch with a bun full of flavor and a topping of southern hospitality.

For Frankie's location and full menu visit http://www.frankiesdawghouse.com/.

Frankie's Chicago Dawg